When Forgiveness Hurts

Click here to listen to this post about forgiveness on the Candidly Kendra podcast:

Last week when I got to the end of writing this post, I sat back in my seat, took a deep breath and said to myself I need to write about forgiveness next.

Most often what I write here on Candidly Kendra is exactly what God is teaching me – and not necessarily what I think I should presume to teach you! I write because I’m learning. And because I’m a verbal processor. And because I think maybe you’ll appreciate it, too.

So I pulled out my feelings about some difficult things that have happened to us recently, wrote them down, and then I saw the gaps.

In that post, I said, “Anger unresolved by grace grows into bitterness. And bitterness is letting Satan have the last word.” And then I looked inward and asked myself, Am I letting grace go to work on my anger? Or am I holding on to my anger as a shield to defend my self-righteousness?

Sigh.

But, God…

They were wrong!

I was right!

It hurts!

But God.

…But God remembered me (Genesis 8:1)

…But God has seen (Genesis 31:42)

…But God will be with me (Genesis 48:21)

…But God intended it for good. (Genesis 50:20)

…But God loves (Deuteronomy 7:7-8, Romans 5:8)

…But God is faithful (1 Corinthians 10:13)

…But God is compassionate and gracious (Psalm 86:15)

…But God is rich in mercy (Ephesians 2:4)*

And so there it is. Intense relief that this is the magnificent character of our God. And, admittedly, a twinge of fear as I consider giving up my protective cloak of anger to follow in the image of my Father.

God are you sure forgiveness is best? What about justice?

His Ways Are Not Our Ways

Recently I was reading Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ For Sinners and Sufferers by Dane C. Ortlund, which is a deep reflection on Jesus’ heart for his weary, faltering people.

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Ortlund’s wisdom about the forgiveness of God was paradigm-shifting in this book. Consider this familiar verse:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

Many of us have derived comfort from these verses, knowing that when things go awry, God is sovereign and good, and we can rest in his plan.

But thanks to Dane Ortlund, my eyes were opened to the context of these verses. This is what verse 7 says:

Let the wicked forsake their ways
    and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
    and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:7-9 ESV

God is a generous forgiver! And that is the contrast that he is presenting with our own fallen character in the famous verses.

“The natural flow of the fallen human heart is toward reciprocity, tit-for-tat payback, equinamity, balancing of the scales. …There is something healthy and glorious buried in that impulse, of course – made in God’s own image, we desire order and fairness rather than chaos. But that impulse, like every part of us, has been diseased by the ruinous fall into sin.”
Dane C. Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly

What a beautiful and difficult truth!

Oh, how thankful I am that forgives me lavishly!

And now, Lord Jesus, please soften my heart with your grace. Make me willing to begin the good work of forgiveness. I need your help. Amen.