Gentle Love, Undeserved

My coping mechanisms are under attack and my sin is coming out to play. That’s what happens when you thrive on routine and plans and then they are pulled out from under you like a rug.

God forbid, but sometimes I almost start to think that I’m glad I have Jesus just for those “Really Bad Days When I Need Him.” But when I’m forced to look my sin in the face with no more hiding behind my busyness, I have a new appreciation of My Savior, whom I can otherwise be tempted to consider an afterthought.

When I’m forced to look my sin in the face with no more hiding behind my busyness, I have a new appreciation of My Savior, whom I can otherwise be tempted to consider an afterthought.

The beauty of his every day love and forgiveness finally came home to settle in my heart again the other day when something magical happened at my kitchen table. (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t magic, it was the Holy Spirit.)

‘Twas Grace that Taught Me

You may remember (or you may have graciously let yourself forget) my sinful, biting response to Steve when he offhandedly made a remark about a housekeeping detail. (It was in this post.) It was something like, “We shouldn’t put our computers here because we trip on the cords.” Why did that bother me so much? (God and I are working on that.) But in my frustration I responded in such an ugly way that I shocked myself as well as my kids (and Steve). Steve bit his tongue and that was that. Sort of.

The next day I realized as I was talking to a friend that I needed to apologize to Steve. But I didn’t.

I didn’t the next day, either.

As you can guess, things were tense between Steve and I. I had sinned against him, but I was also angry, resistant to him. I didn’t want to feel his love or connect with him in any way. I just wanted to be left alone, because in my head, that’s what it seemed like I needed.

Finally, the next night as I cooked dinner I suddenly realized that we were alone. We’re never alone anymore and I jumped on my chance. Without carefully phrasing my thoughts I said to Steve, “Hey, honey, I’m sorry I was such a jerk the other night about the computers. …And I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk since then, too.”

It wasn’t a very eloquent apology. I wasn’t even sure what all I needed to apologize for, but I jumped in anyways. And then I held my breath.

I think I expected Steve to explode a little. Things had gotten pretty tense. I thought he’d double down on how wrong I’d been. Or I thought he’d tell me that he had forgiven me, but still be mad until I earned his trust again. That isn’t how he would normally react, but that’s what I thought I deserved.

Instead, Steve nodded, acknowledging my sin. He told me in one statement that it had been hard, admitting that I had hurt him. And then he said, “Okay. I forgive you.” That was all. He really did forgive me. Relief poured between us as the walls were torn down. It was us again.

For days, I had been angry, trying to figure out how much of the blame I could pin on him. I had been defensive. I had been distant.

His forgiveness brought us close again. His forgiveness brought peace.

I stood at the kitchen counter – such a mundane moment, such holy ground – and thought, that’s our Jesus.

Amazing grace!

I stood at the kitchen counter – such a mundane moment, such holy ground – and thought, that’s our Jesus.

As I read my Bible this morning I sat with Psalm 51, and meditated on David’s prayer of repentance. I have so much to learn about my repentance and God’s cleansing grace.

Psalm 51: David’s Prayer of Repentance

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin!
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem;
then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

David’s Guilt and Desperation
…God’s Gift of Conviction

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love. (Psalm 51:1)

David wrote this Psalm after his egregious sin with Bathsheba. He slipped, slid and then jumped down that pit of sin, following his lusts into adultery, and then murder, and, maybe worst of all, a walled up heart that resisted God as he tried to manage his sin.

And then he gave up. Praise God he gave up. He said, I can’t manage this terrible sin. God, have mercy.

That moment right there is the greatest gift from God.

Is God exposing your sin? Friends, it’s ugly and hard, but it can be the beginning of growth. Trust him and lean into it.

David’s Confidence in God
…God’s Faithfulness to Us

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. (Psalm 51:7)

David’s confidence in God is beautiful. David hadn’t yet proven to God that he would be more obedient next time. He hadn’t earned anything back. He was at the mercy of his God, but he knew God’s character. He knew God’s forgiving power and his unfailing love.

What character trait of God are you leaning into today?

David’s New Joy
…God’s Healing Love

Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice…
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:8,10)

When we sit in our sin we feel crushed. We feel dirty. We feel wrong. God has the power, in the death of his son Jesus, to make those crushed bones rejoice! To make that dirty heart new again! And to turn what’s wrong in us into something that is right.

This is what it means when the Bible says that we are righteous in Christ. We are right in Christ. My friend once said, “It means right standing with God and standing right with God.” In other words, righteousness is relational word, indicating a right relationship and relational proximity (closeness).

Close your eyes and imagine that you are standing right with God. Feel his peace in your turmoil. Feel his love for you.

David’s Response to God’s Forgiveness
…God’s Sanctifying Work in Us

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. (Psalm 51:13-15)

As David experienced God’s faithfulness, love, and healing, he had a new purpose and a new desire to glorify God. Because of God’s work in his heart, David wanted to teach, to sing, and to declare God’s praises.

That’s the natural response that our souls have to his love and forgiveness. That’s our Jesus. Amazing grace!

Have you ever had an experience of God’s undeserved gentle love that welled up within you and made you want to sing (or tell someone, or praise him, or cry)?

PS If you haven’t ever experienced that, it’s okay. Our emotions don’t make us better Christians or earn us special favors. But our emotions can encourage us; they can be a gift from God. Pray and ask God to bring his grace alive in you.